lately i've been thinking about the future, as we all do, especially when it's uncertain, which will probably be the for the remainder of my life... i look at the job market and different directions to go, and a lot of it sounds amazing, and some of it i even feel qualified for... but as much as i love and hate to admit it, i'm not at a stage in my life where i feel ready to settle down... i know of 5 sets of friends who have gotten married in the last 2 months, all my age or younger... 4 new babies have popped up in my relatives' lives... and my parents and grandparents continue to hint at the question "when are you going to move home, settle down, find a man, and have babies?"... although i've decided that my family is prolific enough for me never to have children, starting a family is also one of the last things on my mind... at the moment, i have this embedded knowingness (if that can be a word) that i will not be settling for a while, if ever... i've said it before, but i'll say it again, i have many homes and i don't know if that will ever change... my attention span is too short and my curiousity too large to settle...
this may all change, of course... there is a group of us that are planning on traveling for the next year, volunteering or working for different places in different parts of the world, gaining experience in conservation and hopefully making the world a better place little by little... of course there's selfish motivation behind it -- the world is a big big place, and its all at my fingertips... i want to see it...
of course my relatives don't like this... it's unheard of in my family, it's scary, it's unpredictable, it's full of uncertainty... i like that... it feeds my independence and drains my bank account... i'm okay with that...
traveling with these guys from my masters course will be an amazing experience... we all have this innate desire to help the environment, help people understand and want to help the environment... and we'll all get to experience it together... that's the one thing that scares me about this lifestyle that seems to be looming ahead of me... regardless of when it happens, our little clan will most likely split as life takes us different directions... it's happened before, it will happen again and again... more so if i keep packing up and going other places... i don't want to experience this alone for the entirity of my life... i want adventure, but i want to share it with someone... i want challenges and obstacles, but i want someone there to encourage me and be encouraged by me... i want someone else to remember the times when the beauty of Creation is so immense words can't describe it and it can only be experienced in the flesh... i want to fall asleep next to someone, knowing that neither of us knows what tomorrow brings but we're both perfectly fine with that...
but until someone comes along and can keep up, i guess i always have the voices in my head :)
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