shadows of tears

i want to talk and talk and talk and talk... but i can't find the words to say...
my heart is aching, wounded, broken... but light and secure...
to be forgiven is one thing... to live it out is another...
to be released from the past and the sin and the anger and mistakes allows me to act more fully in love, peace, patience, kindness... but do i have the courage to go through with it all?
God will grant me strength... but how do i know how to use it?
and why do i find it easier to trust in perfect strangers than those who were there the day i was born?
does this geographical distance reflect the wall that i've placed around my heart? do the wounds run so deep i need to hide them with an ocean?
at what point do i speak? at what point do i ignore it all? at what point does my pain become unbearable? at what point is it right to be honest and confrontational?
and would it do any good?
guess some of the words were there after all...

taken like moths

"Humanity is identity. All men are the same clay. No difference, here below at least, in predestination. The same darkness before, the same flesh during, the same ashes after life. But ignorance, mixed with the human composition, blackens it. This incurable ignorance possesses the heart of man, and there becomes Evil.

... What is required to exorcise these goblins? Light. Light in floods. No bat resists the dawn. Illuminate the bottom of society."

- Victor Hugo, Les Miserables