gullivers travels

tonight i am redefining indulgence.
after 24+ hours of traveling, i am sitting on the floor of a holiday inn in washington d.c., stuck here for the moment but i think i found myself a flight home for christmas (so why do they hire silly people to work at airports? i don't know), eating a 1/2 pound hot pocket (did you know they make them that big?), club crackers, and OREOS!!! in my underwear. i am so happy.
welcome to america.
if you haven't heard this travel story yet, and i've called quite a few people and ranted about it... well, i left edinburgh tuesday night via the megabus to london... a night bus, about 9 hour trip.. about 5 am we get out at a gas station for a 15 minute break and the driver says "15 min and you better be back or i'm leaving ya" like most bus drivers harmlessly threaten.. this guy left at least 3 people in islington or some obscure english city at a gas station cuz they didn't get back on the bus in exactly 15 minutes... slightly scary... get to london, take the underground to the airport, the tube is behind schedule and backed up and all the trains on the piccadilly line think they DON'T need to go to heathrow that day, so there are people on top of luggage on top of people trying to get to this airport... and i'm late for my flight, regardless... should've had about 2 hours of extra time and i got there after my gate closed... boo... so got re-routed on a SWEET boeing 797 or something big and had our own personal tvs on the seats, but this bombshell was packed and headed for d.c., not on my original itinerary (i can't spell that) and i got to watch 3 random films (lady in the water, the night listener, and the illusionist... only really liked the last one) and then spend an hour in customs, only to actually hear that ALL flights to denver are cancelled (after calling my mother at 3 in the morning while still in london when she told me that anyway, but that was a random detail that i'm sure SHE didn't appreciate but oh well) and then spent 2 hours in a line at customer service only for them to tell me to get a room and come back tomorrow... SO that's what i'm doing!!! but i think i'll be ok, there are a couple flights to msp via canada or virgina (yeah... i know) so hopefully i can catch a train from there and find the relatives and have a merry christmas!!!
i hate the stress of the holidays.
but this microwaved cheese goodness... so nice right now.

not alone but lonely

why do we live in a world where we know so many people and yet we know so few? little plastic devices make it so easy to keep in touch with the plastic people of our lives... how are you? i'm fine, how's it going? good, alright... what's up? nothing, you? yeah, nothing... texting, instant messenger, email, cell phones, mobiles... all plastic...
when did we stop being real? in an overcrowded world, i know too many people that are lonely... i'm a victim of this feeling... and i really shouldn't... i have amazing friends who know the inside and out of me, probably better than i do, and they definitely care more about my well-being than i do... my family loves me, and misses me... i've been removed from so many of them... my comfort zone includes the people i can turn to and complain to and go on crazy adventures with and that's missing from my life right now... i crave that instantaneous response that comes with the plastic life...
so what do i do? sit in my bed or cry?
or go out and care about the other lonely people, ask them how they REALLY are and take the time for an answer?
does it matter if anyone ever asks me the same question back?
i think of Jesus in the garden of Gethsamane... He was alone, he asked his best friends to keep him company, just by being there, awake... they failed... i think of Jesus in the desert, tempted by the devil... no one was there to back him up... I think of Jesus on the cross... His own Father turned His head away... he was alone like no one will ever be alone... in order that no one will ever be alone...
that should make it easier... He understands... but i yearn for the day when i actually understand that...

what if God was one of us... just a stranger on the bus... trying to make His way home...
nobody calling on the phone... 'cept for the Pope maybe in Rome...

all the simple things

have i forgotten what i love?
i love food... having fun... playing games... going on adventures... really good hot chocolate... not caring about money... talking with people... listening to people... caring about people... animals... esp my puppy (i'm coming home!!!)... my family... my friends... esp the friends that have seen me through thick and thin, the ugly and the "lovely", the arrogant and the insecure, the yelling and the crying and the laughing and the insomnia, moments with God and moments with the devil... or at least the devil's minions... music, both listening to and making... hugs... movies... the company of funny people, honest people, real people... trees, stars, water, fire... camp... i love camp... nature... YOU... me, most of the time... a rich, deep, bass voice, a capella... working out... the human body and all its little miracles... saturday morning cartoons from the 80s... color crayons... black currant flavoured stuff... chocolate... my mom's cooking... sleeping in and enjoying the comfiness of a pillow after you've slept there all night...
above all, my Spirit, my Savior, my God... the giver of this life... the life that i love, and that i forget i love...

limelight for liars

celebrities. mostly actors and actresses...
we admire them because they can be someone else... and usually look good doing it... but no one pays any attention to the people who are really good at being themselves... where are the awards for those who show their true colors, who stand up for their beliefs, who go thru thick and thin to realize their dreams and desires? who throws out the red carpet for the skilled workman, the happy parent, the chefs that make me sooooooo happy, that one person behind the counter that treated you like a person when you were making that everyday purchase...
we are only starstruck when actors are acting... when they're just being themselves, they are just themselves, and there's no spotlight for that...
not on this earth, at least...
are we that afraid to celebrate who we truly are? do we all want to escape from our true selves?

come together

i love community.
it's gotta be one of the most amazing, powerful, ridiculously fun things ever created.
and i have been blessed enough to experience it in its most magical way... my five years at red willow bible camp - to come together, with perfect strangers, be able to trust, share, hurt, laugh, sing, eat, sleep, play, work, struggle, fall, pray, worship, etc. with people because you have One focus, One goal, One faith -- lots of ideas, but one faith... andrew melville hall, my semester in scotland... being thrown into a situation with hundreds of others, no one knows anyone, but soon, after a while, when fighting the north sea wind and rain to get back to this dorm in the outskirts of town, you could see its glowing corridors and you knew that someone was in that building, waiting for you, who loved you... Mac, all my wonderful friends from Macalester, both mostly my chicas from 1680 marshall... late nights, lotsa chocolate, craziness, honesty... but all surrounded in love... every single community was soaked in love, and these were drowning in the Father's love...
when one needed, the others gave... nothing was too big, nothing was too small, no one was worthy and yet they all were...
evidence that God's kingdom will come... it has already begun...

All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need... Acts 2:44-45

bigger than the world I see...

there are so many wonderful things in life, and so often, i'm overshadowed by the less-than-wonderful...
i have a loving family, even if i don't understand them and they don't understand me...
i have amazing friends -- they're all crazy, and they accept and love my craziness (maybe that's a completely wrong assumption, but i like to think that's the way it is)...
the opportunities in my life have been mind-blowing: i'm sitting in a computer lab, well-fed, warm, under a roof, procrastinating from pursuring my master's degree in wildlife biology and conservation in edinburgh, scotland... ten years ago if you told that to a 13-yr old, lonely, self-conscious, shy, introverted farm girl, she would've laughed in your face, and then gotten really embarressed and ran away...
and most of all, I have a Savior that kept reaching out for me, all the times that I ran away... and He was there when I finally fell, crying, broken, and reaching out to Him also... and now when I'm back on my face, He's still there...
life sucks sometimes... more so at other times... but we have a BIG God, bigger than life, bigger than this storm, and bigger than anything that will come for all time...
as the writers in "God Calling" said : We have a big God, have a big faith, and expect big things.
i don't like the whole "rejoice in your suffering" thing and i know i don't rejoice most of the time - paul seems super-human when he repeats that over and over again, maybe it just helped him get through the floggings and such... but i know i'm not alone... even when i feel alone... but i have to have the faith that big things will happen for God's glory, and we are the instruments, even when we feel completely isolated and lost and worthless... just keep on going...
not that it's going to make life easy, but it's still living...

"The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me." -- Jesus, in John 12:25-26

post-script...

i think i write too much to properly blog... oh well! enjoy the novels...

and just as a follow up, what about joseph? talk about a shake up on the other side of the engagement?!?! some angel waltzed into his life, too, and said, "dude, don't be scared, marry your mary BUT just so you know, she's gonna have the child of God, the Savior of the world, and you get to be his father-figure, although you're not his daddy. have a good day!" poor guy...
how surreal would that be... first off, to get your head around that your fiancee is going to have a kid... my friends corey and aimee just had their first baby and i guess it took a while during the pregnancy for corey to "get it" just cuz it wasn't instantaneous... when aimee started showing and lil' audrey started kicking, it started to hit him... now i'm sure they're both fully aware they are parents, and their lil' one is beautiful, but i can't imagine how long it took for joseph to realize that mary's having a kid... scandal... but not just any kid, this kid is gonna save the world, and the world will hate him...
joseph wanted out, its recorded in matthew... but an angel (again, fiery swords and big wings - scary!) told him to chill... it's all in God's will, regardless of what society thinks, and will always think, just do it... stay by mary's side, she's gonna need you, and you'll probably need her... so he stayed...
have i been running away, or am i staying?
madness really... Jesus loved to cause a stir...

When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him... - Matthew 1:24

the most disturbing thing about christmas...

this is a summary of the amazing sermon that Karl Martin, pastor at Morningside Baptist, where i've been attending for the last few months, gave this morning... he's got such a gift, and this is such an amazing message, i have to recap for ya'lls...

Christmas is one of the most disturbing holidays of the year... aside from fruitcake, ridiculous relatives, and presents that break in two minutes/don't fit/are completely useless/look exactly like what you gave that person last year... from the beginning, it was meant to disturb people, and the first to be rocked : Mary.

So picture being a teenage chica, in the ghetto of Nazareth, doing your thing, when a FREAKIN' ANGEL OF THE LORD steps into your kitchen, says "greetings, oh blessed one" -- dude, i would've cried or fainted or thrown a frying pan at the glowing warrior with wings and swords of fire... and that's just the first impression... THEN he goes on to say, "God is with you, and you will be the bearer of the Savior of the world. He will fulfill prophecies and is the chosen one, the Messiah, the one all ya'lls have been waiting for" (of course, this is my own words and interpretation, but i spose the angels could've said ya'lls...)at this point, i would've checked the quality of my water or tried to remember what i ate the night before... i'm impressed with Mary's reaction, cuz all she asks is, "how could that be, i'm a virgin?" forget the giving birth to the SAVIOR OF HUMANITY, she's concerned with just having a kid, which fair enough, when you're 14 and betrothed to the hottest carpenter in town (which i would imagine she was), the details of having a kid probably takes priority... but all in all, in the end, she just says, "if its God will, so be it" -- basically, BRING IT ON!!!!

she's about to give birth to Jesus Christ... she has now been marked in her society as a slut (having a kid before marriage and now Joseph is stuck with her, tsk tsk) or crazy (cuz the HOLY SPIRIT got her pregnant? right, and i'm Elvis Presley), she has to raise a kid before that came up in the family planning conversation, she has to deal with 9 months of cravings and morning sickness, and THEN there's that whole dealing with motherhood thing, which granted i know nothing about, but it can't be easy... and she doesn't have any idea she's going to have to run away from people who want to kill her child, accept the times when Jesus goes on huge walking missions with his disciples and doesn't call home for weeks on end, all the while doing miracles, and then watch her first-born be tortured and crucified and have to deal with that! God just threw a whole big wrench in her clock of life, and she says bring it on... wow... and she's just the first... Christ is about to rock everyone's world.. he messes with the religious legalities of everyone, challenges the rich, the righteous, the rebellious, and reaches out to the lepers, the poor, the children, the prostitutes...

Christmas is just the beginning of that disturbance... and I have to say, in the last year, God has disturbed my life, definitely... makes me wonder how i've reacted? i don't think it's exactly been "bring it on" with joy and acceptance...but God isn't a luxury god... He's my God, my Creator, my Savior, and just as he's accepted me, how will i accept Him? Will i take the divine disturbances in my life and do God's will and quit trying to fight Him? Will i carry my cross in pride and stand up for Him like Mary did?

Christians are all pregnant with the Savior of the world (funny analogy, and all Karl's, but bear with me) and we are going to stand out... you always notice when someone is pregnant... the question is, are we glowing with the love and pride that we should be?

How has Christ shaken your world, whether you're a believer or not? are you running away from this child? Mary couldn't run. She glowed.
This year, this party's for her. Three cheers to the biggest disturbing event the world has ever seen, and three more for the teenager that accepted it with grace and God's will in mind.

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." - Luke 1:38