sunspots

i am fully convinced that the world would be a different place if not so many people believed it revolved around them...
if the world revolves around so many individual people, no wonder its such a messed up place... it has no idea which direction it should go, which way to spin, who to follow next... too many priorities and too many desires to try to meet and please... people are pulling it this way and that, turning it on its head and kicking it about, just so it keeps up with them, and submits to their every whim and whisper...
the world actually revolves around the sun, the giver of life and light to the whole of the earth...
funny that...
if we all had that mindset -- the earth works and acts in order to provide life and light for all -- and we followed in its example, this would be a very different world indeed...

God doesn't shuffle his feet...

i've been meaning to write this rant for about a week now, so with a slightly more rational head and a bit less anger, here we go...
fyi. heads up all you christians...
do you really believe in the God that created the earth?
in the Jesus who walked on water? stilled storms with a sentence? healed the sick, rose the dead, fed over 5,000 people with 2 fish and some bread?
in the spirit that was granted to be in our presence, to guide us, to intervene for us when words failed us in prayer and only our hearts knew what to say?
DO YOU REALLY???
then why do you not act like you follow the ways He set out for us? why do you not love your neighbour? why do you think you can't do something? why do you cease loving?
we have no excuse for these things... re-think about all those things that we believe in...
re-think about the idea that you believe in ETERNAL life and what that means on a logical, worldly scale...
impossible?
that's what i thought...
we have no limits... we have God...
don't get me wrong, i fall into all of those faulty categories and more... i'm a failure...
but i'm going to try... really hard...
so don't tell me i can't...
me and God will prove you wrong...

parachute, anyone?

it all makes my head very dizzy...
for some reason, committing four years to a university, and one year to another, and a year on the road... wasn't a big deal...
signing 2-3 years to a job: terrifying...
maybe it's the commitment, maybe its the responsibility of having to actually contribute to a cause (in a financial sense, i guess all senses really... but its the financial that is scary), maybe its the idea of having a salary... the last salary i had was the summer contract at RWBC... $2500 for the summer i think, and when we broke it down, cuz we technically worked 24 hours for 5 1/2 days a week or something like that, it was under a dollar an hour... i'm so used to just barely making it in the black, being able to pay for rent, bills, and food (and actually, most of that money came from loans -- such a typical american!)... the idea of having more than that... somewhat scary...
lots of other details as well... insurance, immigration, travel arrangements, taxes, community involvement...
i've spent a lot of my recent life trusting on God... he's informed me that we've been through nothing yet, and get ready to redefine my idea of trust...

vacancies for all

you know how facebook shows six of your friends at any given time in the "friends" box on your wall?
four of mine today were pictures of my friends' babies...
i guess its just one of those moments where i have realized that time is always going by... i don't want to have urgency in my life, i don't hear my "clock" ticking, or anything, i'm trying my best to stay in the moment and enjoy it... but sometimes there seems to be something missing, at times its easier to think about the things i don't have rather than those i do...
i guess i just really want to have a reason to be drawn in one direction or another... a slight glipse into what the next step is...
its all very vague. if i'm going to be blunt, i'm lonely.
and none of this seems very coherent but in my head and life its all connected...
welcome to my world... stay as long as you like...

the dawn of forever

today is the day that Christians celebrate what makes them different from anyone else...
lots of historians, religious texts, antagonists all recognize that Jesus was born -- Christmas is a great holiday, but nothing all that special, really...
but only Christians believe he rose from the dead... that he kept the prophecies and all his promises, and through the power of God -- because he was God -- he brought on eternal life and has made it available to all..
and he really means all...
his closest friends whilst on earth were sneaky tax collectors, smelly fishermen, guys with a temper and a bit of a violent streak, sketchy prostitutes, even his own mother was a bit of a cause of gossip for folks -- she was pregnant before she was married, after all...
he hugged the untouchables, reached out to the poor, helped the blind see and the lame walk and lonely feel loved and the marginalized feel welcome... the children feel important...
his feet were dirty, he probably had bad breath, he walked the same streets as anyone else and didn't lock himself up in a temple, away from his people, his creation, his loved ones...
there is a God that loves his earth, in all its calamity and spontaneity, and all its people, in all their normalcy and failings...
his followers did not walk around with glowing halos like they do in stained glass windows...
they ran away, they cried, they were confused and doubted and denied him...
but he still called them by name, called them friends, when he spoke to them..
that is the Savior... he loves... he lives...
still.

a recipe for transformation

in a philosophical mood lately, i sat on top of arthurs seat in edinburgh and contemplating who i'd like to be -- little things in my life that i would like to be true, whether they are or are not at this moment...
i'd like...
...to improve my diet, eat local stuff when i can, eat organic/fair trade/free range when i can, grow my own food (someday) when i can, drink lots of water since i can
...to only buy fair trade chocolate
...to exercise regularly so my body feels healthy
...to read the Bible, pray and meditate more, listen more
...to not be scared to be moved by my soul and heart and do/say what i'm feeling pushed to do/say
...for my parents to know more about who i am, what i believe, why i do what i do, and be okay with all of that
...to shop at charity/thrift stores more and other cheap stores less
...to trust more
...to play guitar better
...to take up rock climbing at some point in time in my life
...to continue my education, formally or not, doesn't matter
...to go to antarctica
...to fall in love for the right reasons
...to be bold and gentle, steadfast but openminded, loving
...to see a hippo in the wild. wow.

a, b, c, d...

things i have learned in the last year:
i have a fairly strong stomach and a wide range of culinary appreciation
i like the craziness of the developing world
i want to live in south america, at least for a little while
i am much more easily persuaded my external forces than i'd like to admit
i need a christian community to be happy
God is faithful and forgiving
for now, scotland feels like home