it has been awhile, and although i feel like i should comment on a previous comment and i could talk about bolivian politics, were going to the root of one of my passions: animals...
having volunteered in a refuge for animals taken off of the pet market here in Bolivia, i have seen the brilliance and even the appeal of having a monkey or a puma for a pet... they are cute, exotic, and fun, all enjoying playing with humans... and it can be fun, when they are young...
when they are adults, the pumas dont know their actual strength, dont understand how much damage their teeth and claws can do, and it takes a lot of time, patience, and scars to undo that damage... the adults at this reserve work only with their volunteers and never see tourists (and no, i didnt see them either, i was with the monkeys)... and although they will never be released in to the wild, and have to be caged overnight, at least they are not trapped in the homes that broke their legs and filed their teeth and claws in desperate attempts to control these wild captive animals...
the monkeys, some missing tails due to doors or dogs, have some hope of being released, as those that are taken young are grouped together and if luck is present, they form a troup and when they are socially stable and old enough, they are released with as minimal of human contact from volunteers as possible... i worked in the tourist park, where the monkeys that would not be released and were too used to human contact, were present... these monkeys, although playful, curious, and still very much monkeys, allowed people to interact with them, and usually it was safe, and people would say how much they would love to have a monkey.. until it turned on them, cuz the person did something stupid, gave them a warning bite, or even a full bite if it went past warnings, and the people got upset because we let them get bit...
los animales silvestres son silvestres and although i was honored and really enjoyed working with the monkeys, it was depressing at times to know that this troup will always compete with humans for territory, the alpha male will always be upset and hence, unpredictable, and that people will continue to be blind to the needs and natural behaviors of these animals and refuges will have to exist for these animals to have a semi-wild life...
Monday, 28 July 2008
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
bury my heart
i'm torn...
the last two weeks i have been exposed to different stories, views, and hence, emotions and thoughts on the whole concept of war...
talking with two high school classmates of mine, one who was stationed in iraq, the other, afghanistan, they represent very different results of fighting for one side and destroying the other... one firmly stands behind his country still, happy to fight "them over there, as long as it isn't over here" whereas the other has lost the cause, and cannot go back to organized religion, because it is this which causes one human to kill another...
watching "flags of our fathers" which portrays the repercussions of fighting in battles and watching someone who could be your brother, given a different set of circumstances, die in front of your own eyes, by your own hand... and then returning to a land where those battles are completely foreign but you are displayed as a hero...
walking through the war memorials in washington dc gave me some time to contemplate the reasons why those people are represented, whether by name or battle or nation... they fought to protect, to survive, to prove, to represent, to win, to lead, to follow, who knows? WWI, WWII, Vietnam, Cold War, War on Terrorism... it humbles me, thinking of those who fought so the U.S. is where it is today, but it worries me where we are going...
maybe its my ignorance, innocent, or pure optimism, but i just don't see why we can't see that we have our differences but we can live alongside those differences because more or less, we are all the same... we all bleed, no matter what ground we bleed on...
the thing that truly saddens me, though, is deep down, i know we will continue to add monuments... probably forever...
the last two weeks i have been exposed to different stories, views, and hence, emotions and thoughts on the whole concept of war...
talking with two high school classmates of mine, one who was stationed in iraq, the other, afghanistan, they represent very different results of fighting for one side and destroying the other... one firmly stands behind his country still, happy to fight "them over there, as long as it isn't over here" whereas the other has lost the cause, and cannot go back to organized religion, because it is this which causes one human to kill another...
watching "flags of our fathers" which portrays the repercussions of fighting in battles and watching someone who could be your brother, given a different set of circumstances, die in front of your own eyes, by your own hand... and then returning to a land where those battles are completely foreign but you are displayed as a hero...
walking through the war memorials in washington dc gave me some time to contemplate the reasons why those people are represented, whether by name or battle or nation... they fought to protect, to survive, to prove, to represent, to win, to lead, to follow, who knows? WWI, WWII, Vietnam, Cold War, War on Terrorism... it humbles me, thinking of those who fought so the U.S. is where it is today, but it worries me where we are going...
maybe its my ignorance, innocent, or pure optimism, but i just don't see why we can't see that we have our differences but we can live alongside those differences because more or less, we are all the same... we all bleed, no matter what ground we bleed on...
the thing that truly saddens me, though, is deep down, i know we will continue to add monuments... probably forever...
Thursday, 15 May 2008
return of that one girl
sitting back in wyoming hasn't quite hit me yet...
i think i was too busy seeing people, getting paperwork done, little tasks, to be too reminiscent about scotland and edinburgh as a whole... the thought that i have left edinburgh for now hasn't really struck a chord, although it nearly made my sister cry...
i will miss it, it is home to me as much as st paul, north dakota, and my own imagination...
the castle, with all its grandeur, arthur's seat with its means of escape, the cobblestone streets, the lack of a clothes dryer, the smell of gorse in the air in spring, the constant unpredictable rain...
but its the people that make any place worth missing... i'm not going to go there tonight, cuz then i'll actually get emotional, and jet lag is setting in...
but edinburgh was home, and it will be my last permanent home for the next year... now that's a bit scary...
my return to wright has been fun so far... i went for a walk with the dog and saw two people from my graduating class that i hadn't seen in a long long time, good to catch up... unpack and repack, and prepare a presentation for the h.s. biology classes tomorrow... its done... mostly done :) but home? i don't know if wright is home for me... i lived here for less than a year, and it was fun, but it has changed... i suppose that happens with any place, and most people, but what happens when the different directions take them apart?
anyway, i need sleep.. i have school tomorrow :)
i think i was too busy seeing people, getting paperwork done, little tasks, to be too reminiscent about scotland and edinburgh as a whole... the thought that i have left edinburgh for now hasn't really struck a chord, although it nearly made my sister cry...
i will miss it, it is home to me as much as st paul, north dakota, and my own imagination...
the castle, with all its grandeur, arthur's seat with its means of escape, the cobblestone streets, the lack of a clothes dryer, the smell of gorse in the air in spring, the constant unpredictable rain...
but its the people that make any place worth missing... i'm not going to go there tonight, cuz then i'll actually get emotional, and jet lag is setting in...
but edinburgh was home, and it will be my last permanent home for the next year... now that's a bit scary...
my return to wright has been fun so far... i went for a walk with the dog and saw two people from my graduating class that i hadn't seen in a long long time, good to catch up... unpack and repack, and prepare a presentation for the h.s. biology classes tomorrow... its done... mostly done :) but home? i don't know if wright is home for me... i lived here for less than a year, and it was fun, but it has changed... i suppose that happens with any place, and most people, but what happens when the different directions take them apart?
anyway, i need sleep.. i have school tomorrow :)
Monday, 28 April 2008
dancing with the other flock
yesterday morning i met the president of the scottish division of the church of latter day saints... we talked about white-tail deer in wisconsin and his home in missouri and the lake he built there... random, yes...
earlier in the week, i was stopped by two mormon missionaries on my street... being i was on my way to my weekly bible study, i thought this was somewhat ironic, also ironic in that i met these missionaries here when my parents live in a town that is half mormon (and i had lived there for a year)... given this, i had never talked to anyone properly about what the mormon religion actually consisted of, and how it was different than other branches of christianity...
they believe Jesus is the son of God and the Savior, died and rose again as atonement for the sins of humanity... but after Jesus' apostles were killed, they believe the church fell into a disarray and God's commands and the Christian movement was altered by human interpretation and the people's hearts and the churches were wrong... this was clarified to Joseph Smith in America in the early 1800s and the church of latter day saints was started as the reconstitution of Jesus' teachings...
thus saying that the church i grew up in and the churches i have gone to, may be trying but they aren't getting it...
needless to say, my world was a bit rocked... having that thrown at you is not easy... but it was refreshing -- i realized that often, Christians tell people that everything they have ever known is wrong... what they believe, think, and feel is wrong and not aligned with God's will... a tough thing to take, and having been on "that side" of the fence for a while, it was a kick i probably needed, to have someone challenge what i believe...
so i'm checking it out... i don't believe that the churches and Christian people i have met through church, camp, and other various encounters are wrong in their hearts and motivations... i don't believe that we have it all wrong, that we aren't following the teachings of Christ as best we can... i believe it's hard and i know i fail, but i just can't believe the stance of the LDS church... i don't think i could believe that the church, as its meant to be, has been restored on the earth... i think the reformation, which may not be good enough, is still continuing, and i don't know if any of us has it right... but we can all try...
but i'm checking it out, their teachings, their testimonies... if anything, its challenging me to get back in my faith... deep...
earlier in the week, i was stopped by two mormon missionaries on my street... being i was on my way to my weekly bible study, i thought this was somewhat ironic, also ironic in that i met these missionaries here when my parents live in a town that is half mormon (and i had lived there for a year)... given this, i had never talked to anyone properly about what the mormon religion actually consisted of, and how it was different than other branches of christianity...
they believe Jesus is the son of God and the Savior, died and rose again as atonement for the sins of humanity... but after Jesus' apostles were killed, they believe the church fell into a disarray and God's commands and the Christian movement was altered by human interpretation and the people's hearts and the churches were wrong... this was clarified to Joseph Smith in America in the early 1800s and the church of latter day saints was started as the reconstitution of Jesus' teachings...
thus saying that the church i grew up in and the churches i have gone to, may be trying but they aren't getting it...
needless to say, my world was a bit rocked... having that thrown at you is not easy... but it was refreshing -- i realized that often, Christians tell people that everything they have ever known is wrong... what they believe, think, and feel is wrong and not aligned with God's will... a tough thing to take, and having been on "that side" of the fence for a while, it was a kick i probably needed, to have someone challenge what i believe...
so i'm checking it out... i don't believe that the churches and Christian people i have met through church, camp, and other various encounters are wrong in their hearts and motivations... i don't believe that we have it all wrong, that we aren't following the teachings of Christ as best we can... i believe it's hard and i know i fail, but i just can't believe the stance of the LDS church... i don't think i could believe that the church, as its meant to be, has been restored on the earth... i think the reformation, which may not be good enough, is still continuing, and i don't know if any of us has it right... but we can all try...
but i'm checking it out, their teachings, their testimonies... if anything, its challenging me to get back in my faith... deep...
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
mona lisa smile
you ever wonder how different the world would be if we had thought bubbles appear above our heads, showcasing every thought we had?
i would have to control my thoughts a lot better if this was the case... i try to keep my words relatively neutral, not trying to stir up controversy or tempers, unless of course, i am trying to do just that... say difficult things without being too insulting, using that tact that we do... unless i speak without thinking, which happens all too often, but it would be arrogant to think i'm alone in this vice... but to control my thoughts? i am ashamed of half of the stuff that runs through my brain, and that really shouldn't be the case... the state of my mind must reflect my attitude, my heart, my soul... to be as cynical and bitter as it is at times, i don't know if that's very healthy...
i don't like it, but it's there... i could blame it on all kinds of things with petty excuses, but the truth of the matter is my heart just isn't in the right place... i am a Christian, anyone reading this won't be surprised by that if you know me and know me well enough.. i should be reflecting God's unconditional love, understanding, patience, and all those good virtues... but so often i am judgmental, sarcastic, and angry... for really stupid little reasons...
sunday karl gave a great sermon on John 3... classic, but relevant: God is about relationships, not religion, not rules, not who anyone was or what anyone did or what they didn't do, said, so on and so on... He wants us to be in relationship with him, Father/child, Creator/Created, artist/sculpture (but more interactive)...although i've been mimicking that last one... not really speaking back, listening, just kinda sitting there, hoping to be admired when there really isn't much for the artist to admire...
i'm blessed because it isn't my blemishes He sees...
but i need to be more than a dusty dead stone, however carved, molded, and envisioned... more alive, more active, more interested in getting to know the one who made me, the one who saved me, and the person He wants me to be...
its my own personal challenge for life... help! :D
i would have to control my thoughts a lot better if this was the case... i try to keep my words relatively neutral, not trying to stir up controversy or tempers, unless of course, i am trying to do just that... say difficult things without being too insulting, using that tact that we do... unless i speak without thinking, which happens all too often, but it would be arrogant to think i'm alone in this vice... but to control my thoughts? i am ashamed of half of the stuff that runs through my brain, and that really shouldn't be the case... the state of my mind must reflect my attitude, my heart, my soul... to be as cynical and bitter as it is at times, i don't know if that's very healthy...
i don't like it, but it's there... i could blame it on all kinds of things with petty excuses, but the truth of the matter is my heart just isn't in the right place... i am a Christian, anyone reading this won't be surprised by that if you know me and know me well enough.. i should be reflecting God's unconditional love, understanding, patience, and all those good virtues... but so often i am judgmental, sarcastic, and angry... for really stupid little reasons...
sunday karl gave a great sermon on John 3... classic, but relevant: God is about relationships, not religion, not rules, not who anyone was or what anyone did or what they didn't do, said, so on and so on... He wants us to be in relationship with him, Father/child, Creator/Created, artist/sculpture (but more interactive)...although i've been mimicking that last one... not really speaking back, listening, just kinda sitting there, hoping to be admired when there really isn't much for the artist to admire...
i'm blessed because it isn't my blemishes He sees...
but i need to be more than a dusty dead stone, however carved, molded, and envisioned... more alive, more active, more interested in getting to know the one who made me, the one who saved me, and the person He wants me to be...
its my own personal challenge for life... help! :D
Friday, 11 April 2008
the rolling stones
two tangents from there... or here...
the rolling stones movie, "shine the light", opened in the uk this weekend, i haven't investigated, maybe it is the global opening weekend, i don't know... looks like a cult movie, one with the fans following, movie and music alike... bound to be interesting, and the soundtrack will undoubtedly be amazing :)
and one doesn't gather moss... advantages to continuous movement in life: things don't grow on you... you roll away and roll over it all and see what bumps and turns in the road you will meet next... but when its all over, at the end of the day, you will be walking up the street with a walking stick, alone and isolated, with no one caring about you except if you fall over...
this was the lecture i got from a regular customer today... happy thoughts over a cup of coffee, definitely...
i know my lifestyle at the moment is very selfish, not secure, and involves a lot of moving... and it will moreso in the very near future... but i'm not running (or rolling) away from anything... i just feel like going, and when it works out, i go... there will probably be a time when i will stop going and allow places to grow on me more than i do at the moment... people already grow on me, i guess it'll just be that time when i find (if i find) a job and stay in it for a while...
then something beautiful may grow, but as for now, i'm rolling...
the rolling stones movie, "shine the light", opened in the uk this weekend, i haven't investigated, maybe it is the global opening weekend, i don't know... looks like a cult movie, one with the fans following, movie and music alike... bound to be interesting, and the soundtrack will undoubtedly be amazing :)
and one doesn't gather moss... advantages to continuous movement in life: things don't grow on you... you roll away and roll over it all and see what bumps and turns in the road you will meet next... but when its all over, at the end of the day, you will be walking up the street with a walking stick, alone and isolated, with no one caring about you except if you fall over...
this was the lecture i got from a regular customer today... happy thoughts over a cup of coffee, definitely...
i know my lifestyle at the moment is very selfish, not secure, and involves a lot of moving... and it will moreso in the very near future... but i'm not running (or rolling) away from anything... i just feel like going, and when it works out, i go... there will probably be a time when i will stop going and allow places to grow on me more than i do at the moment... people already grow on me, i guess it'll just be that time when i find (if i find) a job and stay in it for a while...
then something beautiful may grow, but as for now, i'm rolling...
Thursday, 10 April 2008
power of attorney
there is a certain lightness in my soul lately...
with this massive trip pending, there are a lot of details -- paperwork, websites, places for us to stay/work/go, reservations, research, etc etc -- many of which involve financial details... i really dislike dealing with money and how it can corrupt people and how people do corrupt things with it, but it makes things happen, even the little but important things, like food and rent... so its one of those things i can't ignore in life...
but i had become obsessed with it, to be frank...
not usually a characteristic of myself, i tend to ignore the numbers in and out of my account, but with all the attention focused on those numbers, its no wonder it sat at the front of my brain, my concentration, about how not to spend money so i could spend it on our trip... but there are things that need to be paid for, and debts are included in that...
and some debts i would like to think i can just wish away and they will disappear... but life doesn't work like that... so after making it disappear (aka paying ha ha :D ), all of a sudden, tension and a weird stomachache both disappeared as well...
i just needed to let go... and its only a start i think... the financial worries of this trip are the least of my troubles, i think... yes my financial situation will be tested, but so will my emotional, spiritual, and physical well being, my cultural openness, acceptance, and meshing, and the relationships with the people i will be traveling with...
all of these are worth so much more than what money can buy...
i need to trust... if i give it up, God will care for it all, and who could do it better? even if i don't like it or understand it at the time...
i say this like its going to be easy... ha... this is only the beginning...
with this massive trip pending, there are a lot of details -- paperwork, websites, places for us to stay/work/go, reservations, research, etc etc -- many of which involve financial details... i really dislike dealing with money and how it can corrupt people and how people do corrupt things with it, but it makes things happen, even the little but important things, like food and rent... so its one of those things i can't ignore in life...
but i had become obsessed with it, to be frank...
not usually a characteristic of myself, i tend to ignore the numbers in and out of my account, but with all the attention focused on those numbers, its no wonder it sat at the front of my brain, my concentration, about how not to spend money so i could spend it on our trip... but there are things that need to be paid for, and debts are included in that...
and some debts i would like to think i can just wish away and they will disappear... but life doesn't work like that... so after making it disappear (aka paying ha ha :D ), all of a sudden, tension and a weird stomachache both disappeared as well...
i just needed to let go... and its only a start i think... the financial worries of this trip are the least of my troubles, i think... yes my financial situation will be tested, but so will my emotional, spiritual, and physical well being, my cultural openness, acceptance, and meshing, and the relationships with the people i will be traveling with...
all of these are worth so much more than what money can buy...
i need to trust... if i give it up, God will care for it all, and who could do it better? even if i don't like it or understand it at the time...
i say this like its going to be easy... ha... this is only the beginning...
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