the differences between lemonades

its been awhile since i've taken time to sit down and contemplate on a computer... often this occurs at home, while i'm sitting in my bed with a journal and am able to see my breath cuz its that cold in our flat... but i still like it... winter in scotland...
my sister erica is over visiting... its a bit strange, because she is a part of my life that has been absent for 5+ years or so... we've both changed a lot... in good ways... we haven't really talked in a long time, didn't hang out much last xmas... its been really good... we are a lot more alike than i would have ever expected...
we had haggis, neeps, and tatties... hello scotland :)
if anything, she has reminded me that no matter what happens, we're still family...
and now i officially have another degree... what a world this is...

giga-life

sunday: usually relaxed, starts with breakfast and usually a sermon -- the last few weeks saturday night has been too long so i've gone to the evening service. end the day with a spiritual challenge, maybe a spiritual high, and intense re-realizations about my faith that i've known for years but have forgotten over those years.
monday: usually a good day, refreshed from sunday, pro-active, productive, go to work for a chill day at the cinema
tuesday: another short day at the cinema, probably run in the morning, read, watch a film, enjoying the late start to the day before work
wednesday: full day at work. having to work until 9 - 10 at night, every night, starts to wear on me. crabby customers leads to a crabby lisa.
thursday: day off from work. small group bible study at night usually reminds how much i've ignored God and the solid concepts of my faith since sunday.
friday: long day at work. reminded how bored i am of my job while trying to hold on to the fact that i have a job, its easy, it pays rent, coworkers are great, bosses are alright, should have no complaints. but i still complain.
saturday: busy, long day at work. feel under-appreciated, under-worked and over-worked at the same time. dulled into melancholy and forget to see the little joys of life while focusing on the little annoyances.
sunday: start over again.

hmmm...

why is it that people ask for black coffee and then ask why there isn't any milk in it?
why is our natural (or usual) reaction to things we don't understand, fear?
why do we close our eyes when we're about to get hit or collide with something, as if that will make it hurt less?
why are we compelled to eat when watching television or movies?
why do we have different taste preferences?
why do we love to question ideas like the universe, infinity, the after life, and other things that will probably never have an answer?
why are we inclined to swat flies?
why are high heels professional, instead of tennis shoes?
why do we laugh?
why do we cry?
why do we hiccup? no, really, why?

my head buzzes, and its not the cider i'm drinking on an empty stomach... it was long before the drink...
matthew 23 or something around there... the end of days, the Lord separates the sheep from the goats... one blessed with eternal life, the other cursed with eternal damnation... harsh but it makes up the disciplinary backbone of Christianity...
except it talks about works...
clothe... feed... water... visit... care for... shelter... love...
whatever you do for the least of my brothers, you do for me...
just our Christian brothers (/sisters)? i argue that... i don't believe for any instance that our good works, as Christians, would be limited to caring for the immediate needs of solely Christians... granted, other passages encourage helping anyone and everyone (the good samaritan)... but this one has consequences, the Lord bases his judgment of humanity on this (their) acts or lack thereof...
i don't think its limited to Christian brothers... i think its all brothers of the flesh... i would almost argue its the world included, nature not excluded... we have unlimited love, how can it be limited?
i don't know, its complicated, salvation and the like... For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that whoever believed in Him may not die but have eternal life... and He came, not to judge, but to save... but the sheep who served the least will enter the gates...
i don't get it...
i don't like it...

self-exiled

again, the questions of where to do next lie in front of me... where to live, what to do when i'm there, who to be with, the questions we all face... moving in with my parents is an option, where i would work in that little town is a huge question but i have the blind faith that something would work out, as would meeting new people and friendships to be formed... the faith that i would be happy there is severly lacking, however... staying in the uk for a bit longer is also an option, albeit a more complicated one, logistically... all and all, the one thing i fear is getting stuck... i don't want to get bored, burnt-out, isolated in my own depressed and idle state... i would want out... but where would i go then? where is out? is that going to be a life-long trend -- i get bored, so i want out, something new, foreign, terrifying, different... eleanor roosevelt said "do one thing everyday that scares you"... it keeps the adrenile up, the nerves awake, the senses alive, life unpredictable...
a good thing, i'm not bored in scotland yet... i complain about the weather, but on days when the sun shines, i can't help but smile... i guess the rain even makes me laugh sometimes... but when is this stage of my life done? when is my next tangent? and where will it go...

the tension within

growing up in rural north dakota, where most people have some sort of guidance by the Christian church, i was under the false impression that being a Christian is easy... you go to church, go to school, go to work, all with the same people... no need for theological or philosophical argument... ha.
being a Christian is not easy...
the concepts are easy enough... love your neighbor... give to the "have-nots" what you have enough of... love your God... forgive (although that is a very difficult thing, the concept itself isn't too hard)... treat others like you would like to be treated, genuine and kind... basically, love...
why is it so difficult? why does Christianity have a bad reputation, and those that claim to be tolerant are intolerant of Christianity alone? why must those who live today suffer the angst caused by those of generations ago?
it isn't easy... it is no longer conventional... but we were warned... and its worth it...

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.Romans 8:17

music and peace and the gift of the tree

jared, zelda, and i went to a xavier rudd gig on wednesday night... i'm convinced there's no instrument the guy can't play... at least 4 different guitars, including a slap metal, acoustic, electric, and 12-string acoustic, while playing percussion (with his feet), and either harmonica or didgeridoo, or playing chimes and bongos and cymbols and bass... it was a really cool experience... also cool just because the guy really enjoys music, and playing music, and his beliefs and thoughts and soul comes out in his words... i like that... i believe that's what music is for... speaking to souls...