hooray for the journey

oh yeah, prayer request, and its slightly random...
i have just received the opportunity to research hippos and their conflict with humans (among other things...) in namibia...
please pray that if i jump into this, without thinking, as i usually do, that all the details work out (financially, academically, adventure-related funness!) and that my parents don't take the risk of me falling out of a helicopter above a river full of Africa's most deadly animals too seriously...
and funny as that thought can be, it's probably a split 50/50 sarcastic/sincere remark :)
and pray that God stays in the picture... this is just more than counting hippos for the sake of knowing (although ecologically that's important).. this is also all about conserving these animals and working with people that have to face the risk those animals pose every single day... this is a great org (www.nnf.org.na)... its a service to His Creation and His Created... woo hoo doggies!
the future is so foggy and yet so bright...

the world is not enough

i love not sleeping...
insecurity. weakness in our own eyes, when we know of the voices and doubts in our heads... but when those are voiced, opportunity for the holy spirit to show us just why we need each other... it seems so trivial sometimes, but all we need is the littlest notion of someone else believing in us, someone else caring for us, someone else acknowledging our presence, our being, our existence, and all the questioning in the world disappears... the Spirit can just work through stubborn hearts, seemingly deaf ears, and thick skulls to bring out the most minute and wonderful moments and statements... although the worries seem ridiculous or sometimes huge, they vanish...
i think this is way we aren't supposed to go it alone... if it was just up to me and God, i wouldn't be where i am right now, who i am right now, and probably even capable to admit that i believe there IS a God. a big one. cuz i can't always hear his voice in my head, my heart... i can hear it when someone else says "how are you?" or gives you a smile, hug, or high five...
all these thoughts sound better in my head, but all in all, God uses us and that's why we need each other... i can't doubt that... when i do and hide away with the kids in my head, will someone please slap me??? thanks :D

nutella

re-visiting thoughts that were brought back to my mind via john's blog... yo buddy!
there are days where i remember how blessed i am to be here, in edinburgh, where i'm constantly meeting new people and going on new adventures with them (aka i met a guy in church on sunday and now he's coming with me to st andrews for the weekend cuz we have mutual friends... small world, actually, small island)...
there are days when i'm homesick, for my college life mostly... for the amazing home that 1680 was, for the amazing people that are my life-long friends, for minnesota cold, izzys ice cream, minnesota hot, not being asked if i'm canadian...
there are days when i miss my family, my sisters whom i don't know well enough, my brother whom i can't believe shaves, my parents whom i understand more and more every day without talking to them...
and there are days when i feel like my heart is spread so thin, i want to be here, st paul, fargo, kansas city, antarctica (mostly cuz i've never been there), st. andrews, gramma's house, red willow bible camp, madeline island, canada, grand forks, anywhere warmer than here... and these are the days i lose sight of where i'm at and where i'm going, who i'm with, why i should be here, who should i talk to, how many more people can i meet and how many will i leave? i feel like i'm stretching myself so thin that i don't matter anymore...
yet this kingdom is not lonely, it is not only local but global, it is not only here it is there, and God is with me...
i guess i have to wonder if i'm leaving God's imprint wherever i go?
now i'm getting lost in tangents (thanks john) but so goes it in my mind... happy weekend ya'lls... wherever you are in the world, i love you. :D

thanks for all the fish

ever watched dolphins, playing, laughing, dancing in the water and be jealous of their enjoyment of life?

when's the last time you skipped down the street, giggling like you were 4 years old, singing the song that's the melody of your heart?

swirls of green and blue

my utopia:
blue skies, green grass, fresh air, starry skies
no such thing as hunger, hatred, greed, jealousy, loneliness
predators might still live in conflict, but in balance
the existence of humankind wouldn't be its main problem
people would have their needs, and not more
those that needed something from someone would trade for the equivalent
balance
nothing more, nothing less
just balance

i think everyone has an idea for a perfect world... i think they all circle around the idea of happiness... many people i talk to (which will be the reason for the bias) speak of no global warming, no wars, no greed, no prejudice, no borders, no nations... just plants, people, animals, planet... life
i know some people dream of power, money, cars, plasma screens, multiple country villas, 24 carat everything... this is their utopia...
what really gets me, is that these people get their way

walking in the mud

i'm from a generation that knows church... knows it exists, knows the general beliefs, and knows what it talks about, regardless of the fact that i, personally, attend a church almost every Sunday... my generation, here in Europe, a place of ancient culture, tradition, and religion, does not know these things... people don't grow up in the church here anymore, and this is a new world for me... i hang out with scientists... i've done that for over four years now, the evolution stuff, the "creation is irrelevant" stuff, the "if God existed" stuff, the "science has replaced religion" stuff... i've heard it before... i don't have all the answers, but i've heard it before... talking with someone who doesn't know who God is, has no pre-conceptions of the Christian church other than "religious" people go there on Christmas, maybe Easter, and the super-religious go every Sunday... why? who knows...
she says that i'm religious... i try to read my Bible every night... why? aren't all the stories old, written to the people of that time, irrelevant now? prejudiced and used to justify war? why do missionaries feel the need to go out and treat people but then convert them? this Jesus guy, what difference would it make it he hadn't been killed, he been married and such... why go to church? why believe in something? why would such a big God care about our puny, individual lives? He/She/It wouldn't have the time to listen to each one of us...
not new questions, but the voice of a generation that is ever-present in Europe, and it is coming to rise in the U.S... a generation that really doesn't know Christ... our biggest complaint as Christians at Mac was that people had been exposed to the church and had bad experiences/correlations with it... this familiarity will be gone...
back in the day, Scotland was a hotspot for the Reformation --- now it is a pagan country... Africa is sending missionaries here... twists the definition of the third world...
I find it easy to forget that I am a missionary... this computer lab, this city, this church, my friends, God loves them... I am one of many vessels for His word... I have been sent here, and it's not a project... it's life...

dry eyed but crying

I watched "Blood Diamond" over the weekend... spectacular film... and quite entertaining when diCaprio slips back and forth between South African and American accents...
the violence didn't get to me... the boys losing their hands didn't get me... the drug use and language didn't get to me... the 8 year olds with machine guns didn't get to me... the blankness in the eyes of the leading actors when faced with death didn't get to me... it was all in the scenery... eastern Africa (according to the film, not personal experience, unfortunately) is beautiful... the vast expansion of land with few obvious signs of life, but when one looks closer, so much is there... the hills, the rivers, the bush and jungles, the culture, the people... when their faces weren't etched with fear, joy and love were present... hard living, but still, living...
but the destruction, the greed, the lack of caring about the destruction of that land, that life, those people, that creation... that's what gets me...
regardless of the price, the reward, the object in hand, could you look someone in the eye, and take away their life?
not necessarily their breathing, walking life, but also their farm, their family, their faith, their job, their home, their purpose, their gifts, their smile, their capacity to see a sunset and not dread the next sunrise...
we don't see it... we see billboards and tv ads and announcements on the news about wars in the middle east, AIDs in africa, and starving kids around the world... we ignore the shootings in our neighborhoods, the poor on our streets, and the homeless in our alleys... we change channels, flip the page, or maybe send a check, but we still own 8 pairs of black shoes, a tv in each room, a car for each person, and fancy over the sparkling diamonds in the window, to draw on the movie's point...
i know it was a film, but what's wrong with my life if i expect to see the militia take over a village and kill everyone in it? if a million people in a refuge camp doens't break my heart? i've met people who've fled from places like this... and they were 14... the world is not right...
what will we do to change that?

"we make these movies... two hours of micro-reality... how they move me... til i can't feel this tragedy..." - jeremy erickson. great man, check his story and music out