two tangents from there... or here...
the rolling stones movie, "shine the light", opened in the uk this weekend, i haven't investigated, maybe it is the global opening weekend, i don't know... looks like a cult movie, one with the fans following, movie and music alike... bound to be interesting, and the soundtrack will undoubtedly be amazing :)
and one doesn't gather moss... advantages to continuous movement in life: things don't grow on you... you roll away and roll over it all and see what bumps and turns in the road you will meet next... but when its all over, at the end of the day, you will be walking up the street with a walking stick, alone and isolated, with no one caring about you except if you fall over...
this was the lecture i got from a regular customer today... happy thoughts over a cup of coffee, definitely...
i know my lifestyle at the moment is very selfish, not secure, and involves a lot of moving... and it will moreso in the very near future... but i'm not running (or rolling) away from anything... i just feel like going, and when it works out, i go... there will probably be a time when i will stop going and allow places to grow on me more than i do at the moment... people already grow on me, i guess it'll just be that time when i find (if i find) a job and stay in it for a while...
then something beautiful may grow, but as for now, i'm rolling...
Friday, 11 April 2008
Thursday, 10 April 2008
power of attorney
there is a certain lightness in my soul lately...
with this massive trip pending, there are a lot of details -- paperwork, websites, places for us to stay/work/go, reservations, research, etc etc -- many of which involve financial details... i really dislike dealing with money and how it can corrupt people and how people do corrupt things with it, but it makes things happen, even the little but important things, like food and rent... so its one of those things i can't ignore in life...
but i had become obsessed with it, to be frank...
not usually a characteristic of myself, i tend to ignore the numbers in and out of my account, but with all the attention focused on those numbers, its no wonder it sat at the front of my brain, my concentration, about how not to spend money so i could spend it on our trip... but there are things that need to be paid for, and debts are included in that...
and some debts i would like to think i can just wish away and they will disappear... but life doesn't work like that... so after making it disappear (aka paying ha ha :D ), all of a sudden, tension and a weird stomachache both disappeared as well...
i just needed to let go... and its only a start i think... the financial worries of this trip are the least of my troubles, i think... yes my financial situation will be tested, but so will my emotional, spiritual, and physical well being, my cultural openness, acceptance, and meshing, and the relationships with the people i will be traveling with...
all of these are worth so much more than what money can buy...
i need to trust... if i give it up, God will care for it all, and who could do it better? even if i don't like it or understand it at the time...
i say this like its going to be easy... ha... this is only the beginning...
with this massive trip pending, there are a lot of details -- paperwork, websites, places for us to stay/work/go, reservations, research, etc etc -- many of which involve financial details... i really dislike dealing with money and how it can corrupt people and how people do corrupt things with it, but it makes things happen, even the little but important things, like food and rent... so its one of those things i can't ignore in life...
but i had become obsessed with it, to be frank...
not usually a characteristic of myself, i tend to ignore the numbers in and out of my account, but with all the attention focused on those numbers, its no wonder it sat at the front of my brain, my concentration, about how not to spend money so i could spend it on our trip... but there are things that need to be paid for, and debts are included in that...
and some debts i would like to think i can just wish away and they will disappear... but life doesn't work like that... so after making it disappear (aka paying ha ha :D ), all of a sudden, tension and a weird stomachache both disappeared as well...
i just needed to let go... and its only a start i think... the financial worries of this trip are the least of my troubles, i think... yes my financial situation will be tested, but so will my emotional, spiritual, and physical well being, my cultural openness, acceptance, and meshing, and the relationships with the people i will be traveling with...
all of these are worth so much more than what money can buy...
i need to trust... if i give it up, God will care for it all, and who could do it better? even if i don't like it or understand it at the time...
i say this like its going to be easy... ha... this is only the beginning...
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
chicken little
today the ceiling in my bathroom fell down...
yeah.
it'd been cracked for a while... painters/carpenters fixed it about 6 months ago, but obviously didn't really fix it... all the mildew just caused the plaster to crack, crumble, and fall to the floor, right above our toilet and shower/bath...none of us were here to hear it or get injured by it, and from cleaning it up, that was a fairly thick plaster ceiling and would've done some damage had one of us been in there...
it was messy and really funny :)
so it'll be a fun process getting that all fixed, but getting the landlord and insurance people around tomorrow...
that's all... really :)
yeah.
it'd been cracked for a while... painters/carpenters fixed it about 6 months ago, but obviously didn't really fix it... all the mildew just caused the plaster to crack, crumble, and fall to the floor, right above our toilet and shower/bath...none of us were here to hear it or get injured by it, and from cleaning it up, that was a fairly thick plaster ceiling and would've done some damage had one of us been in there...
it was messy and really funny :)
so it'll be a fun process getting that all fixed, but getting the landlord and insurance people around tomorrow...
that's all... really :)
Sunday, 30 March 2008
the bird of humanity
the baha'i faith has come up in conversation lately and i know very little about it all... so i looked it up on wikipedia, the world wide web's guide to everything...
a faith based in solid teachings, where the spiritual unity of humankind is pertinent... there are rules and such, somewhat based in the Shi'a Islam foundations, but a religion of its own... my question for any religion is how does one "reach" God, if possible within those beliefs, or the ultimate goal of those beliefs, if its not God... humans have a soul, therefore can relate to their Creator and it is their duty to acknowledge their Creator through his messengers and conform to their teachings, which include (but not limited to) Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Moses, and Baha'ullah, who founded the religion... through recognition, obedience, service to humanity, regular prayer and spiritual practice will allow for growth towards God in this world, and when the soul passes on to the spiritual world, that growth is a basis of judgment and advancement in the spiritual world, and eternal life is spent on a scale of closeness or distance from God... blurbing straight from wikipedia...
a tall order... makes me think Christianity is too easy... believe in Jesus and be saved... actions will show that faith, but its not what we do, who we are, what we say, just that we believe... with my understanding, i don't believe that we can ever do enough, be obedient enough, serve or even love enough to be considered just enough to be close to God, i firmly believe we need a Savior for that... so for me, Baha'i wouldn't cut it... but i like the ideals, i like how you have to work, how working these things out in ordinary life is stressed... maybe i need to make my faith less theological and more practical in my life... that's not a maybe...
a faith based in solid teachings, where the spiritual unity of humankind is pertinent... there are rules and such, somewhat based in the Shi'a Islam foundations, but a religion of its own... my question for any religion is how does one "reach" God, if possible within those beliefs, or the ultimate goal of those beliefs, if its not God... humans have a soul, therefore can relate to their Creator and it is their duty to acknowledge their Creator through his messengers and conform to their teachings, which include (but not limited to) Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Moses, and Baha'ullah, who founded the religion... through recognition, obedience, service to humanity, regular prayer and spiritual practice will allow for growth towards God in this world, and when the soul passes on to the spiritual world, that growth is a basis of judgment and advancement in the spiritual world, and eternal life is spent on a scale of closeness or distance from God... blurbing straight from wikipedia...
a tall order... makes me think Christianity is too easy... believe in Jesus and be saved... actions will show that faith, but its not what we do, who we are, what we say, just that we believe... with my understanding, i don't believe that we can ever do enough, be obedient enough, serve or even love enough to be considered just enough to be close to God, i firmly believe we need a Savior for that... so for me, Baha'i wouldn't cut it... but i like the ideals, i like how you have to work, how working these things out in ordinary life is stressed... maybe i need to make my faith less theological and more practical in my life... that's not a maybe...
Sunday, 23 March 2008
the original phoenix
meeting jesus was the best thing that ever happened to me... in various words, faces, and places, he has shown his love, grace, mercy, peace, and strength in so many ways that although i question and i get confused and i don't like some of the things that i may believe, i love jesus, as much as i don't live that out and deny it at times... the people in my life are such a blessing, the community i have found in the global church are a blessing, and the people who share their lives with me and share their faith with me are so blessed... he is alive... this world would not be as beautiful if he were not...
happy easter!
i will be with you always, to the end of the age. - Jesus
happy easter!
i will be with you always, to the end of the age. - Jesus
Monday, 17 March 2008
vintage
thursday night involved a long tangent in my bible study about predestination, the philosophy and definition of choice, and what condemnation means... it was fun, but i'm not going there tonight, i don't think...
a random thought i had today at the cinema as i sold two tickets to a couple that were probably in their 80s... she was going deaf and wanted to be sure she could hear the movie, and he was checking for her... looking out for each other... i don't think a lot of people in my generation will have that... the 40+ years of marriage/knowing each other, inside and out, said and unsaid, done and undone, hurt and healing... we jump in and out of relationships to extremes, marriage is a formality, and i fear my generation will grow old lonely... not necessarily alone, but i think most of us will lack that companionship... with the high rate of divorce, people leaving each other, and surface lack of caring about stability in the home life will lead to an interesting retirement for a lot of us... not that i'm trying to condemn those who get divorces, etc etc... some relationships don't work and are better ended than continued just for formalities sake... but rushing in and rushing out may have long term effects that we just can't imagine right now...
although i am far from a relationship at this point in my life, i look forward to the day, if it comes, that i will walk down a beach, hand in hand (maybe) with the guy that knows i don't like tomatoes, love chocolate, must have a pet dog, is slightly scared of growing old, has a dream to visit antarctica, and that i started going deaf at 23 (i think)... being alone doesn't bother me... loneliness does...
makes me also contemplate the idea of having a family... growing old without future generations of my dna to keep me company and keep me young... but that's for another night, my friends...
love. peace. dreams. sleep.
a random thought i had today at the cinema as i sold two tickets to a couple that were probably in their 80s... she was going deaf and wanted to be sure she could hear the movie, and he was checking for her... looking out for each other... i don't think a lot of people in my generation will have that... the 40+ years of marriage/knowing each other, inside and out, said and unsaid, done and undone, hurt and healing... we jump in and out of relationships to extremes, marriage is a formality, and i fear my generation will grow old lonely... not necessarily alone, but i think most of us will lack that companionship... with the high rate of divorce, people leaving each other, and surface lack of caring about stability in the home life will lead to an interesting retirement for a lot of us... not that i'm trying to condemn those who get divorces, etc etc... some relationships don't work and are better ended than continued just for formalities sake... but rushing in and rushing out may have long term effects that we just can't imagine right now...
although i am far from a relationship at this point in my life, i look forward to the day, if it comes, that i will walk down a beach, hand in hand (maybe) with the guy that knows i don't like tomatoes, love chocolate, must have a pet dog, is slightly scared of growing old, has a dream to visit antarctica, and that i started going deaf at 23 (i think)... being alone doesn't bother me... loneliness does...
makes me also contemplate the idea of having a family... growing old without future generations of my dna to keep me company and keep me young... but that's for another night, my friends...
love. peace. dreams. sleep.
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
long time no see
so... its been a while..
i've been busy -- which is pathetic but here's a review:
i started working another job at a flower/chocolate shop... great atmosphere, great co-workers, just wouldn't suggest starting working at a flower shop the week before valentines day :)
but had the chance to go up to aviemore to visit jared and zelda for a day, which was great to get up to the highlands again... funny, how a perk to moving to scotland involved the highlands and how i have only been there once in the last year and a half...
and spent the weekend in the lakes district of england with 2 couples from my bible study... was really good, a 8 mile hike or something on sunday, following a pub afternoon on saturday, eating and watching the scotland/england rugby game (and scotland won, who knew?)
other than that, not much else going on in my lil' life... finishing up vaccinations, tickets are bought, and places for volunteering are adding up and filling up space... on may 14th, i am leaving the uk to travel the world and do volunteer/work in conservation/wildlife/ ecotourism/whatever with 4 people from my masters course... i've made some good friends with my travel agent and my travel nurse :) that is the short story, a
nd here is a mini-map of where we will be (just travel from the UK to the US and continue west)... starts May 2008, finishes May 2009... another escape from the real world, to see the real world, and see where this education of mine can actually take me and what we can do to help heal this broken lil' world of ours...
nd here is a mini-map of where we will be (just travel from the UK to the US and continue west)... starts May 2008, finishes May 2009... another escape from the real world, to see the real world, and see where this education of mine can actually take me and what we can do to help heal this broken lil' world of ours...
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