the wonder years

i stayed up last night until 1:30 reading some of my writings from when i was a teenager, 10 years ago... sigh...
it made me re-realize how angry i was, how emotional and raw and questioning i was... and how stoic and silent and strong i appeared on the outside... i wrote things down cuz i didn't think anyone would care to listen... i needed a vent, something to help me clarify my thoughts, feelings, life... guess i haven't changed much :) but that's not the point...
looking back, i like that person... angry, depressed, young, ignorant, but real... i think that's why i still like teenagers... i like how they think, see the world, how they are so in tune with their emotions cuz they're so self-focused (generally)... but they're real... adults are too good at using rationale to smother their emotions... too busy to pay attention to the little things in life that matter... too stressed to even bother realizing all they should be stressed about... they switch off, do things that are logical, responsible, the status quo cuz its easy...
i would never go back to my teenage years, and i would never change them, but i will also never be one of those adults that is dead to life... i want to remain raw, sensitive, receptive, but i'm a different person today... i'm not angry, depressed, alone... i'm loved... and i can be vulnerable and still risk things in this world because i'm loved and i'm forgiven... i don't have to switch off: i have nothing to lose...
the world is so different to me now because i know that...