focus

this will not surprise anyone that knows me: i'm a complicated, complex person... i feel like i'm pulled a thousand different directions in my head, but i love it... i won't be put in a box, and some of you have seen my drawing of the characteristic kindergarteners... but there are times and days when i know i'll be happy whatever i do because of my multi-personalities :)

i feel part punk - part hippie - part jock - part academic - part rock star - part conservationist - part advocate - part missionary - part social worker - part farmer - part child

i could happily settle down and start a family - start over and work towards a teaching job - apply to the peace corps - run off to the highlands and have a llama farm - become an airline steward - get a job in california/minnesota/maine/arizona - get a job in nairobi/dubai/new south wales/madagascar/edinburgh - apply for my PhD - join a nudist colony

i want to visit alcatraz island - milk a cow and press my own wheel of cheese - go sky diving - go to antarctica - see hippos in the wild - go camping - learn how to make a delicious creme brulee - be fluent in spanish and maybe some other languages - start or at least fund a bible camp

i have learned that the rabies vaccination shot is bright pink - that i would like another tattoo - that it's not bad to eat chocolate for breakfast - that eyelashes do grow back - that johnny depp's "captain jack sparrow" is influenced by Pepe le Pew, the skunk - that there are too many lonely people in the world to stay lonely myself

i believe that God created this planet on the basis of love, and the problem is that we are polluting it, on so many levels - that Jesus died for humanity cuz he loves us - that money is just numbers in the bank - that "iris" by the goo goo dolls is the best lyrical composition ever written - that i could escape from paying government taxes if i tried hard enough - that love is worth taking ridiculous risks for - in the cause of heifer international - that i'm good enough to wait for the guy that is bright enough to figure that out

i question the evils of the world - the point of my faith and Christianity - the laws of physics - my necessity to sleep, although not my enjoyment of it - my continual moving about and leaving the people i love - why consumerism is so popular - why people enjoy pop music

but i figure that no matter where i go or what i say or if i drink or when i trip up or who i'm with, God is with me and i only have to be obedient... the rest He will take care of... and i'm crap at being obedient... so it's gonna be rough at times, but i'm glad He's bigger than me