tree huggers

i've just finished reading "blue like jazz" and after reading "the time traveler's wife" and "perfume" i have to say that the style miller uses in his book doesn't make par with my standards, but wording and editing aside, the messages are solid and i agree with a lot of his disgust with religion and issues with christianity and inspired by his admittedly wavering desire to do something about the mess the world is in and not lose the faith in the process...

one thing that has stuck with me is something he brings up around the middle of the book... he lived with a bunch of hippies in a forest for a month... and they were loving, accepting, non-judgemental, very contrasting to the christian environment he grew up in, and i find this very true of many (but not all, by any means) christian groups i've been in... christians judge people, i judge people, there's usually a watchful eye and unfortunately a lot of gossiping voices at any christian social / meeting / potluck / after service coffee hour... is it just something of the nature of the history of the church? we're aspiring to be on the golden paved side of the pearly gates when judgement day comes along and we like to look at everyone else in order to reassure ourselves of our secured place in heaven? but even Christ said he has come to love, not to judge -- to save the world, not condemn it (john 3:17)... so why are we so quick to condemn, smirk, whisper, and ignore the skeletons in our closets? why are the liberal "pagan" communities often viewed as more loving? is it a marking difference between hippies and the conservative world?

i think there's a difference between tolerance and love, i don't know how to paint it in black and white but there's a difference... and if anything, i think i'd like to live in a forest for a while...

the perspective of a spoon in a nyc cafe

i've been sitting in a cafe in edinburgh, coming up with random phrases for book titles...
the crystal labyrinth
intermission
a whisker of thoughts
the footsteps of bel air

and other random stuff...
if only i could have the ambition to sit down and write something needing a title...

dandelions

concrete. solid, heavy, trust-worthy, man-made foundation. supports much of the western world.
but i still find myself gazing at the little plants that find the cracks in the concrete, sprout, stubbornly grow through the weaknesses in something that makes up so much of our material world... something so small, green, and natural still manages to grow and blossom. be alive.
it's the little things like these that profess the power of our Creator in my world... we can construct all we want... He'll still find the cracks and let flowers grow...

whirlwind

i finished everything, except for my dissertation, which isn't due until september.. which means i'll start next week...
in the last two weeks i spent 8-15 hours a day in the computer lab, sat in a photo shoot for a friend, met a doctor from nyc and gave him my number (he never called), met a post-doc research jock from seattle (he did call), cleaned up lotsa popcorn, made a cake that looked like a ship, hosted a birthday/pirate party and watched pirates of the caribbean 1 and 2 back to back, had a friend (lexi) from macalester come over from france and we were tourists for a weekend, re-read the story of all the people whose faiths were undoubting, and they were healed, read "the time-traveler's wife", ate too much, got my last rabies shot, called my parents after they called me to make sure i was still alive, got a new roommate (she's irish), pondered the wonder of plants being able to break through concrete, and bought five bottles of ketchup for the cinema...
i need a nap...
but that's my life at the moment...
and i still love you all

007

there are some words that intimidate me, and they all start with the letter "m"...
marriage.
maturity.
motherhood.
mortgage.
they all scream commitment, which is probably why they are intimidating... i still have a commitment issue, but i really value loyalty... where is the line?

myotis daubentonii

i went bat hunting last night.

ok, not really, i helped with a bat survey for a university / regional conservation / consultation / information -- short of the long, scientists want to know more about these bats cuz that's what scientists do, for knowledge's sake and for consultation's sake...

so i got my rabies vaccination, got my hat, and got on the train... we set up a mist net under a bridge, set up echolocation detectors along the canal, got out the walkie-talkies and waited... talked about bats... computers... travel... north dakota cold...

we caught two, missed five, cuz the net doens't cover the whole passageway under the little stone bridge ("gotta give the little buggers a chance" - head researcher dude) but tagged both of them, put a radio tracker on one, and let them go... if you want to know the reasons for details, ask, cuz it gets science-y and i need to catch a train BUT it was cool...

i got to hold a bat and let her go...

i'm just amazed at the wild and beautiful world that we live in and how little we know about it all, despite how much we think we know...

ain't she cute? (and yes this is just an image from the web, not the bat we caught last night)

amazing...

focus

this will not surprise anyone that knows me: i'm a complicated, complex person... i feel like i'm pulled a thousand different directions in my head, but i love it... i won't be put in a box, and some of you have seen my drawing of the characteristic kindergarteners... but there are times and days when i know i'll be happy whatever i do because of my multi-personalities :)

i feel part punk - part hippie - part jock - part academic - part rock star - part conservationist - part advocate - part missionary - part social worker - part farmer - part child

i could happily settle down and start a family - start over and work towards a teaching job - apply to the peace corps - run off to the highlands and have a llama farm - become an airline steward - get a job in california/minnesota/maine/arizona - get a job in nairobi/dubai/new south wales/madagascar/edinburgh - apply for my PhD - join a nudist colony

i want to visit alcatraz island - milk a cow and press my own wheel of cheese - go sky diving - go to antarctica - see hippos in the wild - go camping - learn how to make a delicious creme brulee - be fluent in spanish and maybe some other languages - start or at least fund a bible camp

i have learned that the rabies vaccination shot is bright pink - that i would like another tattoo - that it's not bad to eat chocolate for breakfast - that eyelashes do grow back - that johnny depp's "captain jack sparrow" is influenced by Pepe le Pew, the skunk - that there are too many lonely people in the world to stay lonely myself

i believe that God created this planet on the basis of love, and the problem is that we are polluting it, on so many levels - that Jesus died for humanity cuz he loves us - that money is just numbers in the bank - that "iris" by the goo goo dolls is the best lyrical composition ever written - that i could escape from paying government taxes if i tried hard enough - that love is worth taking ridiculous risks for - in the cause of heifer international - that i'm good enough to wait for the guy that is bright enough to figure that out

i question the evils of the world - the point of my faith and Christianity - the laws of physics - my necessity to sleep, although not my enjoyment of it - my continual moving about and leaving the people i love - why consumerism is so popular - why people enjoy pop music

but i figure that no matter where i go or what i say or if i drink or when i trip up or who i'm with, God is with me and i only have to be obedient... the rest He will take care of... and i'm crap at being obedient... so it's gonna be rough at times, but i'm glad He's bigger than me