even tomboys want to be treated like queens

"if a man we don't know phones us up one day and talks a little, makes no suggestions, says nothing special, but nevertheless pays us the kind of attention we rarely receive, we're quite capable of going to bed with him that same night, feeling relatively in love. that's what we women are like, and there's nothing wrong with that - it's the nature of the female to open herself to love easily." (from "the witch of portobello" by Paulo Coelho)

i think there's a lot of truth in that statement... for one reason or another, women seem to seek and be more open to love than men (please take all sweeping generalizations with a pinch of salt)... i've learned that regardless of the fact that i have fantastic friends around the world and in my house, a loving family, a wonderful church and great co-workers, there is still an emptiness which craves the love and attention of a single man... to be recognized as special, different than the other people in his life, to be physically attractive, to catch the light in a room, that causes the world to go silent for just one person...

so putting aside my pride and fear of commitment (or at least ignoring them), i signed up for online dating... i had never really considered it before, but i figure that i don't know anyone in my life who is male, single, available and interested (and compatible, for that matter), so i might as well go to the places where others are looking... i get too defensive in pubs, so it had to be online...

it's been a real learning experience, about how to answer the static computer questions honestly, how to screen emails from potential stalkers, how to ignore guys that just don't grab my interest, and to realize how shallow i can be at times!

but it's still a game of patience... there's a part of me that wants to find someone who is easy to talk to, treats me with respect and doesn't push things... but there's also a part of me that wants to be wined-and-dined, that wants someone to have the boldness to say "want to meet somewhere this weekend" even though we've only traded "ice breakers" online, someone who readily accepts leadership as well as compromise in a relationship... i've been the one who's dragged relationships before, giving all my energy without it clicking, and it's not easy nor fun.. i'm not going to do it again... i've been told i'm an intimidating person, and i know i have a fairly assertive personality... i need someone who's willing to introduce romance into my life, no matter how difficult that might be...

i am just a girl, after all...