Edinburgh has been blessed to get a really white, beautiful Christmas and New Years holiday... now it's all melting and turning slushy and muddy like the Scottish winters I've seen before, but it makes me sad because I love the snow... it's fun, it's cold, it's surprising, it's fun, it wakes me up in the morning, it's fun, it reminds me of my childhood, it makes me feel justified in eating lots and drinking hot chocolates, and it's fun... and now it's all going away and getting messy... bring on the daffodils... in january... :(
but reflecting and being all metaphorical like i like to be, i really want my heart to thaw a bit this year... there are walls i'd rather not have to maintain, hurts i'd like to let heal, people i'd like to forgive, and pasts i'd like to move on from... some run deeper than others... but they all hold me back and weigh me down... i know i can't do it alone and i don't want to do it alone... to let go, to be vulnerable, one has to be secure enough to go into that open space, to believe that there is more love present than pain, more acceptance and less judgement, and peace that will remain after the storms...
with some of these things, i'm struggling to have the courage to break down the bricks... with others i'm simply lost and don't know where to start...
a resolution i've made this year is to listen more... i firmly believe God speaks to stumbling fools like yours truly, and i've heard his voice before... it has come as guidance and as comfort... but right now i need to have the faith that it comes as truth...
so here's to a messy and muddy spring... and the flowers that may bloom through it all
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