Sunday, 18 March 2007

you know the depths of my heart yet you love me the same

jeremiah 18:13-15...
"Inquire among the nations:
Who has ever heard anything like this?
A most horrible thing has been done
by Virgin Israel.

Does the snow of Lebanon
ever vanish from its rocky slopes?
Do its cool waters from distant sources
ever cease to flow?

Yet my people have forgotten me;
they burn incense to worthless idols,
which made them stumble in their ways
and in the ancient paths."
i feel this is where my heart is...or something like that... i've ignored or overlooked the obvious signs of the Creator... the flowers blooming all over the city... the sunshine in the morning (or more often, the rain)... the acts of kindness, the extra effort to help or listen or laugh, a card in the mail, all because someone cares, someone loves... i look to random objects in my life for happiness or love and get distracted from the one who made me and loves me simply for that... i yearn for someone to see the beauty within me, to appreciate me for who am i, recognize that i am special, and yet i ignore the one whose love is unconditional and loves me despite the flaws, the dark spots, and the stains on my soul... so i stumble, and doubt, and question, and cry, and hide it all inside... i know better...
i was contemplating while brushing my teeth the other night... i can connect with lots of people emotionally, psychologically, physically, religiously (in the notion of sharing the same faith)... but spiritually, actually connecting with someone on a soulful level, i think that's incredibly rare... to be with someone who compliments your soul, makes you feel alive, makes you want to be a better person because they make you feel better about yourself than you feel you deserve, they reflect the love of God although they are tarnished themselves... that's something special... that is love... i don't know if we each only have one soulmate, its a scary thought cuz its a big big mad mad world, but i trust God knows what he's doing when he sets out those paths in front of us, forked and all, so that we have to choose one way or another, but keeping his will in our journey... to recognize the person(s) who build up our weaknesses, rely on our strengths, bring out our hidden beauty and don't mind our obvious flaws... i must know myself, my heart, my soul... to know my soul, i must know the maker of my soul as intimately as possible...
so although i have those moments when i just want a foot rub, hot chocolate, and a midnight acoustic serenade, i try to remember that i need to work on getting to know the source of eternal love before i can hope to rely on any human source...
or i will stumble on the rocky path, although the glimmer of snow-covered mountains rise above me... i am eternally thankful that my life is not shadowed in the wrath that Israel faced in the Old Testament, that Jeremiah was so burdened to witness... although i ignore, forget, and shun my God, he sent me My Savior...
forgiveness... eternal love...amazing grace

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