the imagination is a strange blessing... it aids in day dreams, nightmares, zoning out in lectures, and molding the past, present, and future...
when i was little, i think i imagined that i would have life figured out... probably married, with a job, because that's how "normal" life looks where i come from... probably be living on a farm, with horses, and i would probably be a vet... my husband would probably look like a lifesize Ken or GI Joe, with a flawless farmer's tan, wear a belt buckle, and we'd go on sunset rides together over our own horizon...
funny how life doesn't always play out the way the imagination would believe... fifteen years ago, ten, or even three years ago, if you had told me i would spend my 25th birthday caring for an Australian magpie, koalas, and sugar gliders near the southern coast of Australia, i probably wouldn't have believed you... if you had told me we could drive cars fueled on doughnut grease, send computer-typed letters around the world in a matter of seconds, and find someone in Nepal who has the same passion as you via a mostly-blank screen named "Google", i wouldn't have believed you... if you had told me that americans would elect a black President, Bolivians would elect an indiginous President, and Pluto would no longer be a planet, i wouldn't have believed you and probably would've asked where Bolivia is :)
but someone's imagination thought all this was possible, and now these things are reality... its funny how one imagination can change the world, personal worlds and the global one...
i wouldn't change my life for anything, but i don't think i could've imagined it either... and i have no idea what will happen in the next 25 years, but i'm looking forward to it
Saturday, 29 November 2008
Thursday, 18 September 2008
shining
i would like to learn how to clean a fish, weld, sail a boat, make creme brulee, play bassoon, and speak french and german
i have learned how to mend a net, tie a bow knot (although i can't remember the name of it, i think that's what it's called), names to call your mother-in-law in Maori, and to tell children that monkeys can bite in spanish
i would like to improve my spanish skills, piano skills, guitar skills, brain capacity, and level of sensitivity towards other people and their emotions
i would like to be less sarcastic, less dense and thick-skulled, and more out-going, sympathetic, and comfortable addressing my faith
i am thankful for the rain, my family, my friends, good chocolate, good pizza, comfortable pillows, warm showers, and the way butter melts on toast
i will never be able to express my love for the people in my life, the environment, God, and the mysteries that life hold
i have learned how to mend a net, tie a bow knot (although i can't remember the name of it, i think that's what it's called), names to call your mother-in-law in Maori, and to tell children that monkeys can bite in spanish
i would like to improve my spanish skills, piano skills, guitar skills, brain capacity, and level of sensitivity towards other people and their emotions
i would like to be less sarcastic, less dense and thick-skulled, and more out-going, sympathetic, and comfortable addressing my faith
i am thankful for the rain, my family, my friends, good chocolate, good pizza, comfortable pillows, warm showers, and the way butter melts on toast
i will never be able to express my love for the people in my life, the environment, God, and the mysteries that life hold
Sunday, 31 August 2008
snapshot
the capacity to love is a magnificent gift...
how do we do that, though?
do we care, listen, prioritize others above ourselves, sacrifice our own interests for others, make decisions based on the reverberations on more than just ourselves? remember birthdays, holidays, special days, apologies, random acts of kindness, random phone calls/emails/letters simply to say hi? offer a hug, minute, prayer, cookie, bandage to make something better?
a simple concept... an overlooked concept...
right now, i feel like i'm overlooking all dimensions of love in my life... and incapable of returning or giving much of it to anyone around me... travelling, living, working, hanging out with the same people, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year (give or take some moments) there is prime opportunity for me to love these four friends of mine... we are staying in the same 20x20 ft room, and there are times i feel miles away from them...
none of this is their fault...
yes i love my friends... but do they know that?
the ones in this room in new zealand, and the ones that are thousands of miles away...
flipping through photos in my mind, i see the faces of the ones whose company i enjoy and love, miss dearly, whose conversation makes me laugh, cry, think, and comfortable... the ones who i talked to for a few minutes, others for years... i wonder when i will see them again, where we will be, and if it will be the same...
i guess i can only hope that they know i love them, for who they are, and for who they are to me... how can i show them that? this is a start i guess...
but if anyone has any suggestions, i'm all ears
how do we do that, though?
do we care, listen, prioritize others above ourselves, sacrifice our own interests for others, make decisions based on the reverberations on more than just ourselves? remember birthdays, holidays, special days, apologies, random acts of kindness, random phone calls/emails/letters simply to say hi? offer a hug, minute, prayer, cookie, bandage to make something better?
a simple concept... an overlooked concept...
right now, i feel like i'm overlooking all dimensions of love in my life... and incapable of returning or giving much of it to anyone around me... travelling, living, working, hanging out with the same people, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year (give or take some moments) there is prime opportunity for me to love these four friends of mine... we are staying in the same 20x20 ft room, and there are times i feel miles away from them...
none of this is their fault...
yes i love my friends... but do they know that?
the ones in this room in new zealand, and the ones that are thousands of miles away...
flipping through photos in my mind, i see the faces of the ones whose company i enjoy and love, miss dearly, whose conversation makes me laugh, cry, think, and comfortable... the ones who i talked to for a few minutes, others for years... i wonder when i will see them again, where we will be, and if it will be the same...
i guess i can only hope that they know i love them, for who they are, and for who they are to me... how can i show them that? this is a start i guess...
but if anyone has any suggestions, i'm all ears
Thursday, 7 August 2008
twilight zone
the age of weddings, babies, divorces, denial of birthdays, mini-life crises, moving, travel, and financial uncertainty: the mid 20s...
there are days when i feel like the world is my oyster, and others where i think that it is all shriveled up and been tossed over my shoulder like some unlucky, never to be read poetry.. ok, possibly a bad example but i think you get what i´m trying to say...
young to many but old to others... responsible enough to have a credit card but still feel young enough to play on seesaws... old enough to drink but not young enough to drink a lot and enjoy it... can stay out late but usually don´t want to... no wonder we in our twenties are stressed out, we are caught in the middle of opportunity and capability and not really sure where to turn because we know our limits...
not really looking forward to the contradictions of the 30s if this is where its all going :)
there are days when i feel like the world is my oyster, and others where i think that it is all shriveled up and been tossed over my shoulder like some unlucky, never to be read poetry.. ok, possibly a bad example but i think you get what i´m trying to say...
young to many but old to others... responsible enough to have a credit card but still feel young enough to play on seesaws... old enough to drink but not young enough to drink a lot and enjoy it... can stay out late but usually don´t want to... no wonder we in our twenties are stressed out, we are caught in the middle of opportunity and capability and not really sure where to turn because we know our limits...
not really looking forward to the contradictions of the 30s if this is where its all going :)
Monday, 28 July 2008
the tales of missing tails
it has been awhile, and although i feel like i should comment on a previous comment and i could talk about bolivian politics, were going to the root of one of my passions: animals...
having volunteered in a refuge for animals taken off of the pet market here in Bolivia, i have seen the brilliance and even the appeal of having a monkey or a puma for a pet... they are cute, exotic, and fun, all enjoying playing with humans... and it can be fun, when they are young...
when they are adults, the pumas dont know their actual strength, dont understand how much damage their teeth and claws can do, and it takes a lot of time, patience, and scars to undo that damage... the adults at this reserve work only with their volunteers and never see tourists (and no, i didnt see them either, i was with the monkeys)... and although they will never be released in to the wild, and have to be caged overnight, at least they are not trapped in the homes that broke their legs and filed their teeth and claws in desperate attempts to control these wild captive animals...
the monkeys, some missing tails due to doors or dogs, have some hope of being released, as those that are taken young are grouped together and if luck is present, they form a troup and when they are socially stable and old enough, they are released with as minimal of human contact from volunteers as possible... i worked in the tourist park, where the monkeys that would not be released and were too used to human contact, were present... these monkeys, although playful, curious, and still very much monkeys, allowed people to interact with them, and usually it was safe, and people would say how much they would love to have a monkey.. until it turned on them, cuz the person did something stupid, gave them a warning bite, or even a full bite if it went past warnings, and the people got upset because we let them get bit...
los animales silvestres son silvestres and although i was honored and really enjoyed working with the monkeys, it was depressing at times to know that this troup will always compete with humans for territory, the alpha male will always be upset and hence, unpredictable, and that people will continue to be blind to the needs and natural behaviors of these animals and refuges will have to exist for these animals to have a semi-wild life...
having volunteered in a refuge for animals taken off of the pet market here in Bolivia, i have seen the brilliance and even the appeal of having a monkey or a puma for a pet... they are cute, exotic, and fun, all enjoying playing with humans... and it can be fun, when they are young...
when they are adults, the pumas dont know their actual strength, dont understand how much damage their teeth and claws can do, and it takes a lot of time, patience, and scars to undo that damage... the adults at this reserve work only with their volunteers and never see tourists (and no, i didnt see them either, i was with the monkeys)... and although they will never be released in to the wild, and have to be caged overnight, at least they are not trapped in the homes that broke their legs and filed their teeth and claws in desperate attempts to control these wild captive animals...
the monkeys, some missing tails due to doors or dogs, have some hope of being released, as those that are taken young are grouped together and if luck is present, they form a troup and when they are socially stable and old enough, they are released with as minimal of human contact from volunteers as possible... i worked in the tourist park, where the monkeys that would not be released and were too used to human contact, were present... these monkeys, although playful, curious, and still very much monkeys, allowed people to interact with them, and usually it was safe, and people would say how much they would love to have a monkey.. until it turned on them, cuz the person did something stupid, gave them a warning bite, or even a full bite if it went past warnings, and the people got upset because we let them get bit...
los animales silvestres son silvestres and although i was honored and really enjoyed working with the monkeys, it was depressing at times to know that this troup will always compete with humans for territory, the alpha male will always be upset and hence, unpredictable, and that people will continue to be blind to the needs and natural behaviors of these animals and refuges will have to exist for these animals to have a semi-wild life...
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
bury my heart
i'm torn...
the last two weeks i have been exposed to different stories, views, and hence, emotions and thoughts on the whole concept of war...
talking with two high school classmates of mine, one who was stationed in iraq, the other, afghanistan, they represent very different results of fighting for one side and destroying the other... one firmly stands behind his country still, happy to fight "them over there, as long as it isn't over here" whereas the other has lost the cause, and cannot go back to organized religion, because it is this which causes one human to kill another...
watching "flags of our fathers" which portrays the repercussions of fighting in battles and watching someone who could be your brother, given a different set of circumstances, die in front of your own eyes, by your own hand... and then returning to a land where those battles are completely foreign but you are displayed as a hero...
walking through the war memorials in washington dc gave me some time to contemplate the reasons why those people are represented, whether by name or battle or nation... they fought to protect, to survive, to prove, to represent, to win, to lead, to follow, who knows? WWI, WWII, Vietnam, Cold War, War on Terrorism... it humbles me, thinking of those who fought so the U.S. is where it is today, but it worries me where we are going...
maybe its my ignorance, innocent, or pure optimism, but i just don't see why we can't see that we have our differences but we can live alongside those differences because more or less, we are all the same... we all bleed, no matter what ground we bleed on...
the thing that truly saddens me, though, is deep down, i know we will continue to add monuments... probably forever...
the last two weeks i have been exposed to different stories, views, and hence, emotions and thoughts on the whole concept of war...
talking with two high school classmates of mine, one who was stationed in iraq, the other, afghanistan, they represent very different results of fighting for one side and destroying the other... one firmly stands behind his country still, happy to fight "them over there, as long as it isn't over here" whereas the other has lost the cause, and cannot go back to organized religion, because it is this which causes one human to kill another...
watching "flags of our fathers" which portrays the repercussions of fighting in battles and watching someone who could be your brother, given a different set of circumstances, die in front of your own eyes, by your own hand... and then returning to a land where those battles are completely foreign but you are displayed as a hero...
walking through the war memorials in washington dc gave me some time to contemplate the reasons why those people are represented, whether by name or battle or nation... they fought to protect, to survive, to prove, to represent, to win, to lead, to follow, who knows? WWI, WWII, Vietnam, Cold War, War on Terrorism... it humbles me, thinking of those who fought so the U.S. is where it is today, but it worries me where we are going...
maybe its my ignorance, innocent, or pure optimism, but i just don't see why we can't see that we have our differences but we can live alongside those differences because more or less, we are all the same... we all bleed, no matter what ground we bleed on...
the thing that truly saddens me, though, is deep down, i know we will continue to add monuments... probably forever...
Thursday, 15 May 2008
return of that one girl
sitting back in wyoming hasn't quite hit me yet...
i think i was too busy seeing people, getting paperwork done, little tasks, to be too reminiscent about scotland and edinburgh as a whole... the thought that i have left edinburgh for now hasn't really struck a chord, although it nearly made my sister cry...
i will miss it, it is home to me as much as st paul, north dakota, and my own imagination...
the castle, with all its grandeur, arthur's seat with its means of escape, the cobblestone streets, the lack of a clothes dryer, the smell of gorse in the air in spring, the constant unpredictable rain...
but its the people that make any place worth missing... i'm not going to go there tonight, cuz then i'll actually get emotional, and jet lag is setting in...
but edinburgh was home, and it will be my last permanent home for the next year... now that's a bit scary...
my return to wright has been fun so far... i went for a walk with the dog and saw two people from my graduating class that i hadn't seen in a long long time, good to catch up... unpack and repack, and prepare a presentation for the h.s. biology classes tomorrow... its done... mostly done :) but home? i don't know if wright is home for me... i lived here for less than a year, and it was fun, but it has changed... i suppose that happens with any place, and most people, but what happens when the different directions take them apart?
anyway, i need sleep.. i have school tomorrow :)
i think i was too busy seeing people, getting paperwork done, little tasks, to be too reminiscent about scotland and edinburgh as a whole... the thought that i have left edinburgh for now hasn't really struck a chord, although it nearly made my sister cry...
i will miss it, it is home to me as much as st paul, north dakota, and my own imagination...
the castle, with all its grandeur, arthur's seat with its means of escape, the cobblestone streets, the lack of a clothes dryer, the smell of gorse in the air in spring, the constant unpredictable rain...
but its the people that make any place worth missing... i'm not going to go there tonight, cuz then i'll actually get emotional, and jet lag is setting in...
but edinburgh was home, and it will be my last permanent home for the next year... now that's a bit scary...
my return to wright has been fun so far... i went for a walk with the dog and saw two people from my graduating class that i hadn't seen in a long long time, good to catch up... unpack and repack, and prepare a presentation for the h.s. biology classes tomorrow... its done... mostly done :) but home? i don't know if wright is home for me... i lived here for less than a year, and it was fun, but it has changed... i suppose that happens with any place, and most people, but what happens when the different directions take them apart?
anyway, i need sleep.. i have school tomorrow :)
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