a, b, c, d...

things i have learned in the last year:
i have a fairly strong stomach and a wide range of culinary appreciation
i like the craziness of the developing world
i want to live in south america, at least for a little while
i am much more easily persuaded my external forces than i'd like to admit
i need a christian community to be happy
God is faithful and forgiving
for now, scotland feels like home

all you need is love

gettting ready for Christmas normally involves shopping, baking, writing letters and cards, and trying to figure out how to visit as many people as possible within a short period of time... and in recent years, my plans have included flights, trains, and buses, and how to recover when blizzards hit and find a way to my family... this year, things are a bit different... i will be ushering in summer, not winter, a few days before the 25th... i will need sunscreen and bugspray, not a scarf and snowboots... and will probably play in the ocean and eat ice cream, not throw snowballs and eat lots of Christmas cookies... ok, there might still be Christmas cookies...



but what about Jesus? i've never thought about what it meant to prepare for Christ's arrival on earth (or the celebration of it, which has already happened)... but i heard a sermon a week or so ago on this concept... and it got me to thinking: how did Mary prepare for this? watching my bosses in the last couple months, who had their first child on halloween night, getting ready for their baby, i wouldn't be surprised if Mary's actions were really much different... getting advice and support from family and friends, making space in the home for the little one, mentally psyching herself up for a natural birth without the wonders of modern medicine... but after the birth, what can you do to prepare a child for the world? stories, scoldings, warnings, encouragements can all guide the youth throught the experiences of the elders, but lessons are usually learned the hard way, as we all know... all Mary could do was love her child... love him as any parent loves their kids, as any person loves another, as anyone who cares about anyone else loves them...

its all Jesus asks of us as well... there's a lot of stuff in the world we can't fix, can't control, and can't prepare for... but we can love one another, and we can love God and our Savior... in preparation for the days to come, and when we see the Messiah once again...

so i wish you a very Merry Christmas, full of love, in all the ways it can manifest itself!

not a barbie girl

i often have moments where i realize how un-girly i am... granted, i have the times where i shriek over really exciting news or the sudden appearance of a poisonous snake, like to sit and watch a movie eating nothing but chocolate, and comment on how hot the waiter is... but in the grand scheme of things:

i fall over in heels.. nope, can't walk in them for the life of me! although i've made it a goal to be able to wear them to a wedding next labor day weekend in the states... 8 months and counting..

i don't really like chick flicks... i like plot. story line. not necessarily a movie that is only going to make a profit because colin firth stars...

i'm not addicted to shopping... can't really stand it, to be honest, most of the time... i've seen girls twitch and go a bit crazy because they haven't spent money on something in the last week.. or 24 hours...

i'm not graceful, or delicate, or "curvy" or anything really feminine most of the time..i'd like to think i can be, but usually, i'm not...

but at the same time, i would love to be someone who is adored by someone else, i appreciate the genuine flattery of friends (and a guy every now and then) and have my moments where i just want someone to take me in his arms and make the rest of the world disappear for a while... a cowboy to sweep me away and ride off into the sunset... i want to encourage, inspire, and love a man who loves God more than me, and loves me more than himself :) and i want to be encouraged and inspired by him as well...

most of all, i want to be a follower of Christ who admits her mistakes more than she does now, dare to try to make the world a better place, and with the grace of God maybe even change something... being a girl has nothing to do with any of that, but i think it might help :)

quarter of a century

the imagination is a strange blessing... it aids in day dreams, nightmares, zoning out in lectures, and molding the past, present, and future...

when i was little, i think i imagined that i would have life figured out... probably married, with a job, because that's how "normal" life looks where i come from... probably be living on a farm, with horses, and i would probably be a vet... my husband would probably look like a lifesize Ken or GI Joe, with a flawless farmer's tan, wear a belt buckle, and we'd go on sunset rides together over our own horizon...

funny how life doesn't always play out the way the imagination would believe... fifteen years ago, ten, or even three years ago, if you had told me i would spend my 25th birthday caring for an Australian magpie, koalas, and sugar gliders near the southern coast of Australia, i probably wouldn't have believed you... if you had told me we could drive cars fueled on doughnut grease, send computer-typed letters around the world in a matter of seconds, and find someone in Nepal who has the same passion as you via a mostly-blank screen named "Google", i wouldn't have believed you... if you had told me that americans would elect a black President, Bolivians would elect an indiginous President, and Pluto would no longer be a planet, i wouldn't have believed you and probably would've asked where Bolivia is :)

but someone's imagination thought all this was possible, and now these things are reality... its funny how one imagination can change the world, personal worlds and the global one...

i wouldn't change my life for anything, but i don't think i could've imagined it either... and i have no idea what will happen in the next 25 years, but i'm looking forward to it

shining

i would like to learn how to clean a fish, weld, sail a boat, make creme brulee, play bassoon, and speak french and german

i have learned how to mend a net, tie a bow knot (although i can't remember the name of it, i think that's what it's called), names to call your mother-in-law in Maori, and to tell children that monkeys can bite in spanish

i would like to improve my spanish skills, piano skills, guitar skills, brain capacity, and level of sensitivity towards other people and their emotions

i would like to be less sarcastic, less dense and thick-skulled, and more out-going, sympathetic, and comfortable addressing my faith

i am thankful for the rain, my family, my friends, good chocolate, good pizza, comfortable pillows, warm showers, and the way butter melts on toast

i will never be able to express my love for the people in my life, the environment, God, and the mysteries that life hold

snapshot

the capacity to love is a magnificent gift...
how do we do that, though?
do we care, listen, prioritize others above ourselves, sacrifice our own interests for others, make decisions based on the reverberations on more than just ourselves? remember birthdays, holidays, special days, apologies, random acts of kindness, random phone calls/emails/letters simply to say hi? offer a hug, minute, prayer, cookie, bandage to make something better?
a simple concept... an overlooked concept...
right now, i feel like i'm overlooking all dimensions of love in my life... and incapable of returning or giving much of it to anyone around me... travelling, living, working, hanging out with the same people, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year (give or take some moments) there is prime opportunity for me to love these four friends of mine... we are staying in the same 20x20 ft room, and there are times i feel miles away from them...
none of this is their fault...
yes i love my friends... but do they know that?
the ones in this room in new zealand, and the ones that are thousands of miles away...
flipping through photos in my mind, i see the faces of the ones whose company i enjoy and love, miss dearly, whose conversation makes me laugh, cry, think, and comfortable... the ones who i talked to for a few minutes, others for years... i wonder when i will see them again, where we will be, and if it will be the same...
i guess i can only hope that they know i love them, for who they are, and for who they are to me... how can i show them that? this is a start i guess...
but if anyone has any suggestions, i'm all ears

twilight zone

the age of weddings, babies, divorces, denial of birthdays, mini-life crises, moving, travel, and financial uncertainty: the mid 20s...
there are days when i feel like the world is my oyster, and others where i think that it is all shriveled up and been tossed over my shoulder like some unlucky, never to be read poetry.. ok, possibly a bad example but i think you get what i´m trying to say...
young to many but old to others... responsible enough to have a credit card but still feel young enough to play on seesaws... old enough to drink but not young enough to drink a lot and enjoy it... can stay out late but usually don´t want to... no wonder we in our twenties are stressed out, we are caught in the middle of opportunity and capability and not really sure where to turn because we know our limits...
not really looking forward to the contradictions of the 30s if this is where its all going :)